So apparently, I’m a flavor.
Mommy got Lincoln dressed in a nice suit this morning, but he refused to take off his hat. I’m so proud of him!
When I was four years old, a neighbor kid taught me how to ride a bike without training wheels. Now, I’m convinced he was trying to kill me, but at the time his plan failed. My only problem was braking - when I wanted to stop, I simply jumped off the bike and let it roll into whatever could stop it, usually a neighbors car. That quickly took care of cars parking on the street.
By the time I was ten, I was bicycle virtuoso, and I wanted something special for my tenth birthday - a bike with handbrakes. I asked and begged and besought and pleaded with my dad - who didn’t think I was ready - until I heard those three precious little words: “I give up.” So, for my birthday, I got the most wonderful new bicycle - it was black, had wide offroad tires, ten speeds, and handbrakes. It was awesome.
I rode my amazing new bike over to a friend’s house and we hung out and played video games and whatnot, and then my parents came over in the car to tell me to come home so we could go out to dinner. As we proceeded home, my dad and I “raced” - I pedaled with such fury and gusto that I surely set land-speed records on my fabulous new bicycle. My dad coasted, tapping the break occasionally so I could win.
As we approached the house, my dad pressed the remote to raise the garage door, but my approach was far too rapid. Being the expert bicyclist that I am, I immediately hit the breaks - by pedaling backwards. As this bike had no pedal breaks, I accomplished nothing. The laws of physics, however, never fail, and when I rode into the garage door, I was pealed off my bike and laid out like stiff at a crime scene. In a tribute to my early days of riding, the new bicycle rolled into the garage until it hit the wall and fell over.
Twenty-one years later, I still ride without a helmet. But I have mastered those handbrakes.
A west suburban woman arrested for driving under the influence early Friday in Riverside — whose blood alcohol level was nearly twice the legal limit when tested at the police station — told police that she had been drinking to celebrate the fact that she would be getting her driverâs license back from a previous DUI arrest, police said.
God bless America…
Dear Sallie Mae..,